Until late on May 2, our sibling group was always symmetrical. There were two girls and two boys. The girls were the elder, the boys were the younger.
The Change
two girls and two boys
On May 1, 2025—or was it April 30?—the boy who lived sometimes on his boat and relied on the hospitality of a sister and a son, had a stroke. Apparently he had disregarded years–possibly decades–of high blood pressure. While bidding goodbye to a friend who had stopped by the mooring for a visit, he collapsed. That friend must have called 911 and contacted one of the three sons. From there the word went out.
The boy was paralyzed on the right side, able to indicate “yes” or “no” but unable to form words, although he was medically stable. Then he suffered a massive brain bleed. Two sons and a daughter-in-law traveled to North Carolina, from New Hampshire and Florida, to say farewell.
To my great comfort, at least, the children were there, as a family, when the boy–as one of them texted–went “back home.”
Division
estrangement
As we aged, one girl moved to the political right and one boy to the political left, leaving two in the approximate center. Over time, symmetry hardened into fractions. Eventually the right and left met on the extreme, conjoined by a society that they deeply disliked. Communications between the two girls faltered and then failed. One girl blocked the other from social media. Then the boy disappeared into QAnon. Once upon a time, one might have called it a union of opposites. Now one tends to see it as a matter of the enemy of my enemy becoming my friend.
The other girl and boy still believed the Constitution and our legal system represented the best hope, for the greatest number, for a better future. And they missed their siblings. When cut off from communication in general, though, they just shrugged. They, too, had disagreements, but if family ties could not bind the wounds of discord, there was nothing to be done. There were alternative ways to gather intel.
Status Quo
Estrangement, however, could not eradicate a solid sense of self. For both pairs, there was “us” and there was “them.” We broadcast Christmas greetings and birthday wishes semi-regularly. Relationships with nieces and nephews largely survived and took on significance that had little to do with the parents. The cousins all get along.
In arboreal terms, our parental stem produced two apical buds, both acting as the central leader and forming codominant trunks. The family tree survived the split.
Coming Apart
unbalanced
The architecture of our tree, however, has been damaged. The teeter-totter of sibling relationships once in balance now slants awry. Growth continues; life thrives. But I know that something is out of kilter, unbalanced, missing.